Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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