Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
