Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
