If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
