cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
