but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
