There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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