They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Be still, my beating vagina.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
