Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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