You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
