Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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