so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
a search helicopter?!
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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