Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
