Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
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You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
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Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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