everyone is single if you try hard enough
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
