everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
