what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
