Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
