I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
