I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
