Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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