mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
