I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
