drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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