Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
