we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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