I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
