Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i don't like sucking hair
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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