My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
