i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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