My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
