shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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