rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
