i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
