I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
