My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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