Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.