The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now