ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that