how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.