i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?