Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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