my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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