Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
