just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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