You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
