so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
