I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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