i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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