all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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