Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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