I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
