I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
