Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
