after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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