Me. At least after what I've been through.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
