Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
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We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
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I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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