omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
