I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
