i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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