i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
