Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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