So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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