She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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