god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
