oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
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My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
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just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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