Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
