I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
