Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
